I put a weeks notice to my boss today. She offered me a choice of working days, but she had no clue when that could be......If she can't tell me when by the time we get back then I know its just another one of her ways of putting me in the dark until I hopefully forget about the problem. This is why I'm still on first shift. So when I pick up my last check, I plan to talk to her to see what she has to offer and then discuss it with Scott....We'll have to do some serious prayer about this because my health is getting to be kind of bad.

On an extremely awesome note::::::::::::>We leave for Texas this week! Tonight is my last night at work! We sold our first item on our store last night! Rock ON! Oh and also the excitement still lingers:::We're having another baby! YAY! God Rocks! He's the bomb! Also when we move to Texas I get to have my own store within this store so I can do whatever I want and can control my profit flow! Very cool!

I had received an e-mail recently that said agree or delete...This was a forward. Well anyways I happened to look at it and it said:

Agree or Delete: 86% of Americans believe in God. So why don't we leave the pledge of allegiance lone, as well with our currency and our ten commandments monument and tell the other 14% to sit down and SHUT UP!


This was most definitely deleted. I just wanted to share this because of how ridiculous this type of thing can get. First of all there NEEDS to be separation of church and state , or else our country would be more screwed up than it already is. Another thing is are we being realistic by assuming that 86% believe in God....WHAT ABOUT CHRIST??????? ISN"T BEING SPECIFIC ABOUT CHRIST MORE IMPORTANT THAN JUST BELIEVING IN GOD? MY WHOLE FAMILY BELIEVES THERE"S A GOD BUT DOESN"T BELIEVE IN CHRIST!!!!!DOES THIS SAVE THEIR SOULS?????I DON'T BELIEVE SO! Why do we lose the point more often whe it comes to this menial crap about politics and what it says on our money and freakin' blah blah blah. And what are we doing telling people who DON'T belive to sit down and shut up??????Do you really think that by doing this we will win relationships and souls for Jesus? I really wish some people would be more careful than to just spill these kinds of mistakes on easily mistaken minds. I'm not mad. I'm not angry. This just helps me get pushed to learn as much about the ways of Christ by living through Him than before so I can spread Him everywhere my family and I go.

This dial up is sucky....It takes SOOOOOOOO LONGGGGG!! Yeah, I'll get over it. My kids are extra cute today. My girl has little pig tails in her hair and her new fleece outfit on...She so primped and styling and she knows it. To the ways of the world she maybe dressed like a little boy, but I think her outfit is awesome! I wish I had one.....Actually I think if I look I do, just not the same color code. Its been an exhausting day...I have to work tonight and I couldn't get a wink of sleep all day. I slept last night, but I'm going to be so tired. I'm having Scott drive me to work so that I don't have to worry about how safe I'll be in the morning.

Scott and I sat down and talked today about what I should do about my sucky job....He basically told me that I need to just quit and he would go looking for a job really soon. And maybe I could get a part time job if we can find a way to do it without paying a sitter. We'll figure it out. We have to cut our trip to Texas short, so we'll have enough money for our expenses, but we're still going to Cairn. There's a lot of problems I've been dealing with my job, and there's got to be a stopping point, before God puts a big warning sign up. My health is getting very cruddy very fast and I'm not sure how much further I can push myself. I told Scott these next four nights are my last, that way they still have a week covered to find someone else. I was thinking about going to day shift, but the way my boss works, I'll never get it until five months from now. I said forget it. We'll figure it out. I mainly left this whole decision up to Scott, since he has a better look at things. He's the one who has to put up with me when I'm in pain or feeling sick, and he's also the one who would have to go looking for another job. He didn't really think too hard about it, he had his mind made that he would do whatever it takes as long as I don't have to work at that place anymore.

This isn't easy for me though. I know what lines are being drawn, but I almost feel as if I'm letting my family down.....I wish I could just wake up tomorrow and be okay , no back pain, no knee pain, no migraines, no muscle spasms.........but God is good no matter what. He'll help me through this 'suck up your pride and have faith in God' time. God will succeed in providing for us. His little noisy brats that whine and worry all the way to His throne, until he bops us on the head and asks, "Who do you think I am??? Do you really think I'll let anything happen to YOU??? Your mine, and mine alone, I've got your back."

Thanks Scotty, I love you!!!!!

What to say........................

My day started out great with the kids, and then we dropped them off to the sitter for a day out together, (Scott & myself), then the emotions hit the shit fan, and I was a non-stop emotional pregnant roller coaster! I first start out laughing, then end up pissed off at the world, then want to cry. Then repeat, repeat repeat, repeat repeat repeat!!!!!!!!!!! This was my day..........I try soooooooooo hard to get a grip, but then it gets worse. I haven't been a fun person to joke around with today, because for some stupid reason I take half of it personal...........I think one of the questions I would like to ask God when I get up there is what the deal is with these hormones....I can't tolerate them. I've tried taking birth control, but I was best off banging my head into a wall, than to take that......

Okay, Okay... Today is done, tomorrow will be a brand new day.........I hope I can take a break and enjoy it........I need a project....I need a hobby....Something that I can do at work......I can never read, because my eyes get so foggy from staying up all night...It doesn't even matter if I get enough sleep..... I'll figure it out soon enough.

On another note: We're gong to Texas!!!!!!!!!!! Mikah my son is excited...He Hugged me the other day after I told him that we were going and he said "Oh thank you Mommy, I always wanted to go there!!" I tried explaining that he was already there, but he was already too excited to hear a word. This is comforting.

Off to home and bed....Just want to say "I love you Scott!!!!!!!!!! I don't know how you put up with me, but thank you for doing so. I'm very lucky to get stuck with you for ever and ever!!!! Love ya Babe!"

Is there anyone out there, cause it's getting harder and harder to breath...........
I understand this more and more everytime I hear it. I'm tired, and my back is killing me, and my whole family is getting lit over at my mom's. This doesn't settle well with me, but I guess that's why I came home early. It was fun playing games and all, but it just eats at me after a while. I'm here alone, the kids are in bed, and for some strange reason I just want to scream and break down into tears. Maybe its just the hormones and lack of sleep...Or maybe its the fact that my family doesn't know Christ and I love them terribly. Right now I'd be in the mood to drink, but that's probably why I haven't taken a sip. I made myself a frozen rasberry ice cream slush, but I couldn't finish it. This wall I stare at constantly is getting more bare. Nothing has been done to it, its just my mind's eye view. How can some of the simplest things be so complicated?? I think I'll sleep on the couch tonight and watch a movie......Sounds good.....Cheers to God!!! Down with the ways of the world!!!!

I'm not too sure how this happened, but I may be able to figure out why there are two of those freaky girls on my blog.......

You are 41% geek

You are a geek liaison, which means you go both ways. You can hang out with normal people or you can hang out with geeks which means you often have geeks as friends and/or have a job where you have to mediate between geeks and normal people. This is an important role and one of which you should be proud. In fact, you can make a good deal of money as a translator. Normal: Tell our geek we need him to work this weekend. You [to Geek]: We need more than that, Scotty. You'll have to stay until you can squeeze more outta them engines! Geek [to You]: I'm givin' her all she's got, Captain, but we need more dilithium crystals! You [to Normal]: He wants to know if he gets overtime.

Take the Polygeek Quiz at Thudfactor.com

I always have something typed out while I'm at work, but for some odd reason right now I'm too lazy to grab a disk and go outside into my car and grab it from the lap top. Right now I am currently over at my mother's, who has graciously agreed to watch all three grandchildren while I sleep and my sister works. She's a very brave woman to watch all three kids. My nephew is the type of kid who strips and runs all over the place butt naked, while his mom laughs and thinks its cute. Today though he has to keep his pants on because my children are here too, and I don't wish for them to catch on to the streaking. It's nothing to come over here and get greeted by a naked child.

Right now my daughter is standing and bending over to touch the ground so she can look at me upside down. She's laughing pretty hard , her face is starting to turn red. What a nutty girl. My kids are very goofy, and thank goodness too, because they sure know how to brighten mine and Scott's days. They are what I would call our happy pills. I do plan to put what I wrote on the blog soon, I just need to get off my bum and do it. My back's starting to bother me, and my eyes burn from being up all night.

By the way, the people at my job who are suppose to give my important information changes haven't gave me nothing....this is aggravating because I may not find out until the last minute if I work Friday night or not. Plus I found out last night I arrived an hour early. This sucks! But I will survive, and hopefully get this changed through a quick talk to my supervisor, or whatever she is. Let's hope I don't have go looking for another job...Pray for my patience with these people if God needs me to keep the insurance......Yay.

Yes, yes the title is accurate. Believe it or not it actually took six home pregnancy tests, one pee test at the doctor AND a blood test at the doctor to let this thought kick in. It's actually not as freaky as it sounds. The past few weeks I've been feeling yucky and nauseated, as well as light headed and all of that fun stuff. Well, we figured it might be a good idea to get a test. Well, with my son, my mom ended up telling me that I was pregnant and with my daughter the test was pretty clear.....Well, these weren't. The line that says you have an extra load was very faint with the first five tests. This morning I bought another one since it has been almost a week since the last. It was more clear than the others, so I set up a doctor's appointment to get the absolute on it, so if I have to stop a meds I can ASAP. Well, the nurse told the doc that the pee test looked pretty positive.......this put Scott's head in for a whirl when I got home. We were prepared for this answer, but this was like a positive. We are still waiting for the blood test results, but I don't have any doubt... This will be my third pregnancy, and I think I know what the changes I'm going through are.......Scott paced for a short time then all of a sudden got all jumpy like a three year old at a birthday party.

One situation we have to deal with is that we just bought a new compact car that won't fit three car seats.....We may have to trade this in for a van or something (Scott is praying for a woody station wagon). Please pray that we can figure this out before June 2004 (close to my due date--my figuration)....God will provide. And we definitely thank God for this blessing. I know its gonna be hard for the grandparents if we move to Texas....But we gotta go where God needs us. Scott really wants me to find another job....We'll see what's to happen...

Oh sweet Jesus, help my children- they have sock hats on and look like the mini Jay and Silent Bob.........oh dear this could be serious!!!!!!!!

Just kidding, but hey it was funny. My poor little girl was pushed by my son and fell face first hard up against the chair, and busted her mouth pretty good. It happened a couple of hours ago, but its still bleeding. I think I'll get my mom to look at it...she's a nurse so she would know more about it than myself. We'll see.

Another little rascal running around....Oh dear oh my oh dear. I hope my knees can handle it.

A whole lot of worry all of a sudden......A whole butt load of it. It has drowned my husband and myself and we have finally started to reveal it here the last week. So many questions, but why are they even there??????? How can we worry about the what ifs, if they may only be a one in a million possibility. I hope in about a week I'll find out one of the answers we have been waiting for. All we have to wait for is time. I got really light headed today and have been feeling so tired lately, let alone moody. Third shift doesn't help, but I think it may go deeper than all of that. Just gotta wait and see.

My son and daughter went to the library with me where they got play with neat puzzles and this home made doll house. They loved it. Normally I have a problem with my son when we leave or while we are there because he won't listen , but not this time. He was all around wonderful. It was Kiara my almost- two- year-old- that- feels- like- acting- two- already that was being a pain. She was running everywhere, and hiding, and even running from me. She made a game of it. She wouldn't hold my hand and listen at all. I finally get to the register desk to check out the items we had and Mikah saved the day! He walked up to Kiwi as she was headed for the door, and held her hand and asked her so nicely to listen to mommy and come with him. She listened! She followed him to me, and they played right in that area until I was done. Mikah was so proud of her and himself about what had happened. I gave him a big fat kiss when I put him in his booster seat. He knows he did mommy a wonderful thing.

We left with some kid cd's that we can take to Texas in a couple of weeks for the lovely road trip. Speaking of which I think I need to call my aunt soon to let her know we coming.....also figure out where we are going, sleeping and all of the fun stuff in between.

My mother-in-law just told me that today is the 3-year anniversary of my son's great papa Miller's passing. He was the type of old guy that you would see by the pool in his speedos that will talk to any person that walked by.....I wish I could have met him, he sounded like a great man+++++++++++++Here's to you Papa***************

Hello world!!!!!!!!

Oh how I long for Mountain Dew--how sweet the sound.... But here there is no hope... I guess I'll survuve! I've got my pretty babies taking care of me. I'm feeling so tired today, and kind of yucky.

I was going to go job hunting today, but I think I have changed my mind. I think I will eventually just talk to my boss about the problems we have been having over where I work, because I don't think she knows and she may be able to work something out. My problem (one of the many) with work is that I get told I have the day/night off, so of course I don't sleep the day away and I spent the day with my family. Well in the afternoon I always get a call from my pod leader saying that I need to come in. This is aggravating and unfortunately happens a lot. I end up only getting a few hours of sleep before pulling an over night and then I'm a very dangerous person to drive home. This last time I just didn't call back. I was fortunate to receive the call on the answering machine while Scott and I were out on our own.

I think I may go and take the kids to the daycare for a little bit today.... I have a lot I would like to get done, plus if I do change my mind about job hunting it would be easier this way.

My daughter is addicted to oatmeal. She is almost done with her second bowl already.... She's been eating like a little cow lately...she must be on a growth spirt. I'll probably find myself back here again today...who knows?

Just another day, yet a fairy tale compared to Scott's and my every day routine . We actually went out on a date type thingy together. Very good thing. We haven't done this for months. And finally we weren't aggravated with each other's breathing, or scoffing or the tone we had when we talked. We spoiled ourselves by going out to eat and just enjoying each other's opinions on everything that has yet to pass. We need this more often....at least once a month whether we can afford it or not.

I'm really thinking about finding another job. I'm so sick of the people at my own job right now that I am really tempted to never go back. I don't know what to do. It makes me so depressed, as well as stressed out because of their ways of trying to be organized makes them more unorganized. I would love to just babysit at home, but its not my home its someone else's and it's not really my decision....Frustration build-up. I really need some prayer on this. This type of thing really sucks right now. We'll figure it out soon enough. God will provide one way or another.

I really need to go to the doctor, but I found out that I need to pay my previous bills before going again. Don't have the money, so just have to wait even longer. This sucks, but gotta do what you gotta do.

My hubby has been really great to me today. He's just a wonderful guy, I wish I had more time with him when we are both awake. We'll get there. Maybe soon if I get my wish. I was telling Scott that we should just go to Texas and stay..... of course this will only happen if it is what God desires. We need to get out of here--the way things are with church and all, we just need a new way of wakening our spiritual lives.

Well, best be gone, gotta go clean. fun!

this is my arrow -------------------------------->

I woke up with a headache this morning and a grouchy little girl. Still have the headache and a butt load of things to do and anticipate going to the office to see if I even have a check to get my oil changed so we can spend time with family who arrived from Texas last night. Oh I wish my brain would stop.

Another thing is I know there is going to be a lot of change when we move where ever, but I wonder how much of it is forced and how much allowed. I wish I didn't have so much time in between to think about this, just because I react better with situations at hand not ones that may happen or could happen this way or that way or a gazillion other ways. Plus, I like being spontaneous, because I normally don't forget as many things as I do when I plan something..... Oh I hate my brain.

I wish I had something to kick.

Hey check it out----BRAD is going to Cairn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! v Rock on!

Oh, the waiting game is so much fun!

Hey I went to diaryland now --------------->

This is probably going to be my all out venting page. I can't seem to get it here----all in my head- but I'm weird like that.

Yesterday was a lot of fun and I hope that I can bring my friend Reva back. We went to the grandparents yesterday to celebrate my mother-in-law and her sister's birthday. They are 2 days shy from being exactly one year apart from each other, so that means they are the same age for two days. And yesterday and today they are fifty, then tomorrow her sister is fifty-one. I love spending time with that family. Unfortunately I went practically straight from work, and felt pretty yucky all day, but I still enjoyed my time.

All I want to do today is sleep, sleep, sleep, blow my nose, and sleep some more, and later tonight soak in a very warm bath with lavender. AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW. I have to wait until Scotty gets off work, though, cause the kidlings are here. My four year old, Mikah did promise to take good care of me, and has been the best helper today with his sister and getting things for mommy. I hope that God wants me to do the small day care where ever we go, so that I can stay home with the kids while still bringing in an income. My daughter feels yucky in her tummy. She whined and rubbed her tummy, and it sounded like she said, ewwww! She's just been laying around today. Well, I better go, because the kids are awake and very quiet and THAT my friends is NEVER a good sign!

Love ya!

Another night at work, and I'm just chilling out. I was with the company of my new friend that lives here in the building, but she had to go to bed. She's going with my family today to my mother-in-law's birthday thingy. She hasn't met my family yet and I've wanted her to meet them for awhile now. I just got done watching Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Awesome movie! Loved every bit of it. Confusingly enough I can really relate to gollum when I quit smoking last December. Thank Jesus it only lasted me three days. The part where he is constantly arguing with himself about whether to do the right thing or not. And then he finally tells his bad part to leave and never come back, and once it was gone he started dancing around screaming that he was free. Yup-yup that was me alright. It normally takes people years to get over the cravings every now and then, but it only took three days with the help of God.

I'm not too sure of what to get Scott's mom for her birthday. She's got so many "God Praising" pictures, books, plaques, pens and much more that I don't want to get her something unless it will be useful. Also yesterday was the first anniversary to Scott's and my second wedding! Weird, I never quite know what expression I'm going to get when I tell that to people. Well, I'm sure one of these days I'll post it. Maybe tomorrow or something. We'll see. I can never think of anything positive to write on my blog anymore. I am just getting over a cold, same with Scott and I guess here lately we have been grouchy and miserable with each other lately. I'm going to try to break that habit, and start writing mostly positive things so I don't spread my ugliness. I know its good to vent sometimes, but I can only vent when I get feedback and I never do on this thing. Oh, hello!!!!!!!! I almost forgot------HAPPY BIRTHDAY PHYLLIS!!! The big 50! +++++++++++++++Love ya Babe!


Well, I always feel as if I'm talking to myself on this thing and then share that fact with the world. My husband gets a lot out of blogging, but I never do. I just write stuff then post it, wondering if I just wasted my time, or made someone else's day a bad one. I guess I'm one of the few that just don't get it. Oh well, whatever works.

Another friend of mine that lives here told me yesterday that he doesn't want me to move. I told him that no matter where we go it won't be close, because we don't want to be in this small town crud anymore. Too few people packed together with too much or too little time for anyone else. All we have is our family and we can't live with them anymore. I feel that if I do stay here, then we as a family won't be too good on our walk with God and this family could easily fall apart without God. I tried to explain it to him, but he doesn't understand.

He has been going to the church building for all of his life. When we discuss anything about God and Christ, he waits for me to speak my opinion and then he will agree. He is very unsure about what he should and shouldn't do when it comes to his walk. He goes to all of the bible studies, and vacational bible school, the huge dinners, and whatever else they may hold at church. But he is so weak in his walk with God, that he probably only goes to church out of habit. He asked me yesterday if I thought he should be baptized with water at his church. This threw me off because I mistakenly assumed that he would know this stuff. I basically told him that he should ask himself that. He then asked why people should do it. I told him no one NEEDS to do it or should do it. It is only a symbol to God and God alone of what Christ did for your salvation. Nothing more, nothing less. I told him that it mainly means to a lot of people that is how you become a member of the 'church'. This is there way of allowing you to vote. OOOOH! We talked a little bit about it more, and I basically told him, that he needs to pray hard about it and then make sure he is doing it for the right reasons, which wouldn't be to just become a member of the 'church'.

This is what Scott and I are trying to get out of. The church we just left has two wall mounted paper towel holders for the sanctuary's double door handles. Everyone was disgusted at this and they were all saying that we should be taking better care of their 'church' because it was their place of worship and blah blah blah. HELLO DID I MISS SOMETHING???? What about the people????? WHat about that stranger that came into the SERVICE and walked out bored! What about all of those people who still think that you are only baptized to become a MEMBER????? What about those people that attend every single freaking 'church event' there is and is still very confused about why we should be looking towards Jesus? I'll tell you what. Nothing right now. The relationships are weak. The realtionships are on a Hello and Goddbye basis and end there. The friend of mine who I spoke of earlier was thought of as a strong Christian because he attended everything!!!!!!!! I have only been actually talking with him for five months, and I am probably one of the very few if not the only one person who knows of his walk. Guess what I did that the others didn't: I asked questions! I got to know the guy! I talked to him everytime we saw each other! I shared many parts of my life with him! I vented to him a couple of times. I showed him by doing all of that , that I was a human being that believes in Christ and isn't perfect! I showed him my opinions then asked for his. Imagine that? All it took was a little time and I made a relationship. He now comes to me frequently with a lot of questions about God, beliefs and the bible. I always tell him that I don't know all of the answers, especially to the question about baptism, but I will try to help him find the answers he is looking for. All of those 450 people that go to his church probably couldn't say that about him. And that is sad. HE GOES THERE TO THEM!!!!! I GO TO HIM!!! See the difference? Okay, there we go again.

Anyways, I don't want to put out there that I am against the building or the people in it. I hope to find a way to present reality to the people in the church rather than scare them away. I have had many talks with a few people about his from our old church, and they seem to understand when I talk about finding ways to get these people closer in relationship. All we ever neede was a place of our own to invite people to, but God may have something else planned for us. This maybe the possible move to Texas. Or where ever. I don't care where we go anymore as long as we can get out of this town to explore other ways of God.......DUM_DUN_DUM!!!!!!!!!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY KRISTEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!YOU OLD BAG!--Just joking. Really girl I hope you had the best freaking day ever!

I had a draining day today, but I think it all has come close to pass. My neck is starting to tightened up on me again, and I had a migraine earlier, so I slept most of the noonish and after away. I woke up with a less painful migraine, and eventually I slept it all away. I still have the tightness in my neck and back, but a heating pad can ease that.

Our on-line store is coming along okay. E-Bay has had some glitches and sometimes our store will show up empty. They promised to fix it right away, we'll see I guess. All of the alpacas have been shaved, and I'm not sure how many times I have explained this, but oh well. I may have to sell my shares back when I move out of state (God Willing) , but we'll see. I may just do my own store when we get down there. Scott and I had talked about selling fair trade items, but we'll have to see what God has in store for us.

I was trying to explain to some people that Scott and I are trying to float our way through things, so that God and just bring His wind and turn us easily in any direction He desires. My mom thinks I'm nuts, but so does everyone. My sister and brother think if we move we should just buy a house, but Scott and I don't want that-we want to be able to up and go when God calls. They care for us and all, but they don't understand our faith, or even faith alone. My mom is stuck on the idea that every GOOD person goes to Heaven, and that Jesus did live, but who was he REALLY? They don't understand how we believe in God. For all I know, they haven't been saved, but sometimes it sounds like they belive, and sometimes they sound like they believe in something else......See my confusion with my family. I'm so confused about them that I can't even put it plain English...Give it to God..Heather, just give it to the Boss, cause He DOES know.

My six day off weekend is almost over....

tears falling Well I got somethings done and tried to enjoy every moment with my family, but somehow there has been a stress build-up and I've been trying to figure out how to keep things together, I've got to try to be the only person that can stay strong enough to figure out a solution to this madness. ----I broke, and had a venting party with my mom. It helped, but then I gave it to God, and I was healed---YAY!

Now I'm just chillin' and about to go to sleep again........Goodness I'm starting to feel old. My knees aren't stable, they wobble and grind a lot...I still need to make an appointment with my doc, but I know he's just going to refer me to Physical therapy, which I have done many times, and if it didn't make a things worse, it didn't make a difference either. Please pray that he'll suggest what I need to do to get this fixed........I don't know what else to do..See ya!

( 4.5 weeks until Cairn!!!!!!!)