Daily Whoo-Haa's

This pregnancy is making me absolutely exhausted, and I can't seem to function as well as I used. I can't stand the whole time and get the dishes done in one shot anymore. I have to take a break every ten to fifteen minutes or I get really light headed and nauseated. Not that doing dishes is a thrill to me or anything, but its nice to get it all done, instead of making it an all day chore. (Remember, there are six people living in this crazy house!) Scott has been helping me out quite a bit. Then the rest of the daily chore are postponed. I was told my body is working 50% faster than it is used to, and that is why I'm so tired. I just don't ever remember being this tired with the other pregnancies.

On a more upity note, Mikah told us this morning that he had a dream that the baby was already here, and it looked just like Sonic the Hedgehog! He has got some serious Sonic on the brain. He has a video game that he plays, and watches the cartoon every now and then. He's been saying the craziest things lately. The other day he asked me when I ate the baby. I was really shocked , and then I soon realized we have been telling him that the baby is in our tummy, and also that is where our food goes when we eat it. I laughed so hard. He didn't find it very funny---he was serious. I explained to him that it is a different part of the tummy the baby is in. He's my funny guy.

HAPPY CHRISTMAS EVE!

Okay, so the stores are full of chaos, and the snow from last night stuck to the ground making a bunch of careless drivers out of everyone, and my kids are ornery, but over all this is a beautiful day! I'm taking the family to my granny's, then tomorrow we're going to visit Scott's granny. Very nice to see the fam. Also, my dad is driving in tomorrow from Maryland, so I didn't have to go out there to see him. VERY COOL! I've only spent three Christmas' with that man, and the last two times I invited myself. He's just never really invited us for the holidays. So this is very awesome. Plus the kidlings love the man like crazy. It'll be a good day, and days to come.

Merry Christmas everyone. I hope this time is filled with love and hope! Have fun!

Better ending

Well, my migraine went away, I've vented to the point where it ended in success, and saw the best movie ever! Tomorrow we are planning to go to First Baptist Church, and meet with people we haven't seen in over three weeks. I'm not so sure they've noticed, but we'll find out soon enough. We need to get back into some kind of groove. We can't seem to grab ourselves into one. It just seems uncomfortable here most of the time. Hopefully we can find our motivation to come together more as a family, instead of separating our times with God.

Wowzers!

Hey! We have a new blogger amongst us!!!! Scott's cousin, Asa, is up and blogging about his journey in Bogata, Columbia. He's been flowing through the winds of God and life lately. Please pray for him and everyone that he is trying to reach.

He was our best man at our wedding. My kids just love him to death, too! The call him "Uncle Asa" . It fit so much, we never bothered to correct them. My daughter learned his name this summer, and has never forgotten it no matter how much time is between meetings. If I remember correctly, Mikah even asked me once if he could keep him. Hahaha!

LOTR : Return of the King

How refreshing! And disappointing: they didn't let me take it home to watch over and over and over again. I guess I will survive! Very nice. Like a breath of fresh air. That's all I will say for those who haven't yet the privilage of watching it.

Today started out a little fun, but is starting to end soon. The air is really thick at my house with all of life's little frustrations . I've tried to pass them on and go about the day, but it keeps coming up. No job. A baby. What will people think? Honestly I could care less if its not supportive. The holidays are to be fun filled time spent with your family. If you are uncomfortable with your family, then there's a problem.

I'm just tired of the fight.

Humbled

Oh, where to begin? Scott's been job hunting the past few days down in Indy, and is feeling discouraged. We have to start getting assistance from the government for food, and the wonder of how next month's bills are going to be paid is tapping on our brain. All worries and fear. All part of sucking up our pride. It almost would seem easier to just move down to Arkansas with my dad, and keep the biz going down there. But maybe this is a test to see how humble we are willing to be for God. Who knows, but Him. We just need to come over our fears, and step up to the happy and content plate. Not that easy though. Easier said than done, but with God's will there is a way. I'm just thankful that we see God's true light in all of this. I guess what sucks the most is that it's Christmas season again, and there are very little jobs out there. Please pray for Scott, that he won't be discouraged and will also feel better. And for me, to be strong for Scott when he may not be.

Child's play

I love stirring my kids' imaginations. You can just smell the smoke from their wheels turning. Mikah just loves Christmas. All of the Christmas stories and playful songs. My kids have heard the Christmas story, and have heard the Santa stories. The one about Jesus, just sticks out more to Mikah, (Sissy is only two, give her a break, haha). He loves hearing about when Jesus was born. Absolutly loves it. I don't mind telling him the story about Santa. He is very playful with the idea. OOOH! Reindeer flying. Could you just imagine what is going on inside his head? His imagination just flows like water. Just keeps coming up with all of these creative ideas for pretend. I'm not too sure I can take that away from him. Him and I have talked about Santa, and he knows its just a story. BUT when we talk about Jesus, he knows its REAL.

Happy Holidays Everyone!

Yoga for dummies

I was looking in this how to yoga book my sister gave me, and I can't help but ask the question: IS THAT HUMANLY POSSIBLE? Half of the positions in there tie your body in knots, then unroll you like a toilet paper roll. And I think even some of defies gravity! Well anyways, I'll be trying some of these stretches, not to get myself stuck so that my kids could take advantage of the house. No, but to get the health benefit from it, and maybe get my unexercised body back to where it should be. We'll see where this goes. Maybe the kids would even do it with me.

Another thing in the book, that I can't say I'll ever do in my life, is the cleansing process. It says to take three pieces of material, thread them indivdually through your nostrils, and out your mouth, taking each end back and forth for a couple of minutes. I could just imagine the visit to the ER when I would gag on it, and it knot up and get stuck.

A penny for your thoughts.

Going on a trip?

I've been doing planning for a trip to Maryland for Christmas. My dad invited the kids and I to go there for a day or two and visit with him. In the past, I have only spent Christmas with that man twice in my whole life. This troubles me still, so I couldn't say no. Scott would be staying here and we would be spending Christmas with each other on a different time. This sucks, but I can't find it in me to say no . It will be fun for the kids. They don't get to see their papa that often or their mema Iveta. I'm not too sure what else I can do. I want to go, but it sucks leaving Scott. I've been trying to convince him to come through here as he drives to or from Maryland, but we'll see how that one goes.

Wonderful Land of Swings

I've been having those wonderful mood swings that the tweeky hormones give you. I've never been a good person to mix with hormones. But that's okay. I can deal. I just need to keep my room a peaceful place so I can tuck in and hide when I feel my lid about to blow. I hope that'll work. It'll take some practice.

Hear my tears of frustration and saddness

I just got done reading an old blog/comments from my friends Joshua and Kristen, and felt the need to let off some steam.

I wish some people would just realize what they are doing! Don't they see the hate and anger they cause when they do these types of things. This is what I'm talking about if you haven't been before: Protest Gay Day.

My brother is gay, and has been for as long as I can remember into our drug/alcohol infested teen years. He has been screamed at, pushed around, and nonstop harassed during the times he was at high school. Granted he didn't "come out" to the world until after high school, but can you blame him. The world has an anti-gay sign all over, and we expect these people to come to Christ when we are throwing stones at them! "Hey you wrong-doer! Stop being the only people on this earth to create a "major sin" and be like me! Hey what YOU ARE DOING IS WRONG! LOVE JESUS! WHY AREN"T YOU LISTENING TO ME SCREAMING AT YOU? I HATE WHAT YOU ARE DOING! COME TO CHRIST!" Unfortunately this is what my brother hears when people protest his sexual orientation. I tell you the truth this subject is really breaking my heart and is now bringing tears to my eyes. I can't stop what the rest of the world is doing, but I can love my brother and anyone else who comes around me. And I will darn well show it. Even if it is by listening to their stories and having fun with them.

My brother isn't too sure about Christ. We have had discussions, but overall Scott, me and my in-laws are the only LOVING christians he has met. He even told me so. THAT my friends isn't right. Christ wants us to love EVERYONE! EVERYONE! Even our enemies! ESPECIALLY OUR ENEMIES! At what point did these people forget that?

I could go on and on, but my tears have fell enough for right now. I just pray that these people would open their heart, minds, and eyes to Christ's love and through Him, learn better how to share Him.

HELLO WORLD OUT THERE!


First and foremost I want to shout out to all my Texan friends and wish blessing on you all!

I'm trying to relax with my mom and brother, but they don't seem to be here right now, so I clumg to the super fast internet to get some things done. YEEHAW!

And this how you remind me of what I really am!

I love Nickelback. Very nicely done on the thrashing of words to make your hearts thump.

You know I can't say there isn't a day when I don't learn something from my kids. My son, Mikah and my daughter Kiara received a package in the mail, where they received some lizards and a beginner bible with sound effects. My son was playing with the book, and called it "The Great Big Book Of Everything" . He got this from a cartoon he watches. Little did he know that it sparked something inside me. Calling a Bible The Great Big Book Of Everything. Imagine that.

To another day! Hi Ho! Hi Ho! Off to bed I go!

Needed to change

I had to change these blogging clothes.

sickly

Well here I am. Sickly and puny. I think I have the flu. I keep spiking temps. I sit down and I'm freezing and once I stand up I feel like I stepped into a sauna. Yuck.Mikah looks like he feels puny too. He slept in his papa's recliner most of the afternoon. The poor guy. Kiara has been a pill. She's just been from one mood swing to the next. I think she might be running a temp too. I think daddy is enjoying taking care of the kidlings. He's been doing a lot of extra cuddling the past few days. Right now he's got on my feux fur teal green pants on. From my punked out days. I miss freaking my wardrobe out.

Today I went to the store to get some soup and help my brother pick out a toy for kiwi. I wore my purple bandana, and some other slouchy clothes. I ran into a girl from the church, and it seemed as though she didn't even want to notice me. I said hello anyways, and she started to walk away, then said a quick hi and bye, then left. Maybe I wasn't dressed well enough, or she was in a hurry, either way I can't wait to get personal with the people I celebrate God with. It almost seems when I do try here, that they just don't want to bother. I'm sure most of it is in my head, but then again most of the encounters seem more than obvious. Whatever. I wanted to go to the prayer group they had last night, but I didn't want to get anyone sick, plus I need to remind myself to take extra care of myself.......It's hard putting myself first like this, but I will learn for good reasons. Well, I suppose I will go back to bed. I need to finish watching The Dead Poets Society

Yay! YAW! Hoorah for christmas!

Prego Test = +

Wow. Weird. Cool. No----->FREAKING AWESOME! I was worried when I first saw the signs of pregnancy, but after I talked with someone at the medical office, I felt better. I went with not really the question: "Am I pregnant again?", cause I already knew. Every symptom was back. No, I went with the question: Am I now at a high risk because it is so close to my last pregnancy? Do I have to do anything extra to cushion that risk from happening?" But I was reassured that since I have had two successful pregnancies in the past with two beautiful kids from them, that it shouldn't play too much as a factor in this pregnancy. Hey, at least we didn't go through six pregnancy tests this time. Scott's first reaction was, " Oh , really?" then a pause of a couple of seconds....:"Wow! That's cool!"

Right now I have a cold thing that is haunting me. My head feels as though it will fall of due to heaviness. Scott's been taking care of me. I feel like such a wimp. I can't do much without letting out one of those sorry for me moans. I've been mixing my spearmint and my peppermint teas together. YUMMY! I can't take I could when not being prego, but I guess I can deal for now.

My sister is gone. Gone to Arkansas to sell houses, and lots. It's very strange going to my mother's and my mom being relaxed when she cleans. I hope Arkansas will help her. SHe's been having health problems the past few years and it keeps her from work a lot. She's tried school, same thing. I hope this will help her.

My son the other day was just playing around then stopped what he was doing, sat down then said, "Oh, man! I need to get some Sonic know-how!" Had me rolling. Where does this guy get this stuff? He's definitely a Sonic and tails fan. He always says he wants fast Sonic shoes. We'll see what santa may have in for x-mas.

My stepmother is from Czech Rebublic, and she grew up not learning too much about Santa. What she was taught was that while everyone was eating dinner, jesus would come in and put presents under the tree, then leave. I think its interesting.

Steps leading where?

This here is a step. A step to where........not too sure yet, but I hope its a good one. I've been feeling quite crazy lately and just stuck on dumb. I say things that sound good, but then I question if I belived the words. The more I questioned, the easier it got to just say I didn't care. Anyone who knew me before would know that this is a huge back step. Ever since I've had Christ in me, I somehow found the love in people. Before I was very hateful and depressed. Well, I almost got to the point where I crossed that line. The more I tried to straighten up, the more I realized I dug a very deep hole for myself. It's almost like an addiction. An addiction that satan feeds until the darkness comes back. I have found myself in the dark on and off the past month or so. Right after our loss, I thought, "Hey, I'll give myself a couple of weeks, and then I'll be getting on with my life with my family. I even had a big project for myself. I had a damaged hope chest that my sister was going to throw out, and redid the whole thing. When I finished, I was still left with the pain. Then I thought, I would rush back to work doing third shift, and try that to get rid of it. I couldn't sleep. Insomnia was making me feel like my body wasn't even real, so I gave up. I quit. I tried doing the house wife thing: clean house all day, cook food, and then clean some more. I sunk. Sunk deeper and deeper with every attempt. I pushed down all of the pain into a hiding place. I didn't even realize I was doing it. I lied to people when they asked how I was doing. I told them I was doing better. But it seems that no one wants to hear that I'm still stuck with my emotions. I even skipped church this past weekend, because a girl I knew from church just had a baby a week ago, and I couldn't bare the pain. I was so happy for her, but I couldn't help but feel jeolous. I'm going through an addiction. These are the twelve steps........I need to get through these steps. I need to go through cleansing so that my soul may have a chance to heal itself. I need to go through rehab. Jesus rehab. I would have laughed at someone if they would have told me sins were like drugs. I've done the drugs. I stolen the items. I hurt the people. I stopped that life when I opened my heart to christ. I know I would never go near that lifestyle again. But I fell into another addiction, except this one had a mask. Laziness and ignorance has been the wall between me and christ lately. I am too lazy to pick up the bible, even once a week. Then when I do feel like reading it and actually have it in my hands, I can't grasp it. I read the words, and that's what they turn into again. Just words. Yeah it makes sense what its telling me, but for crying out loud where's the meat of it? Where is the part where it feels real? And this may never happen until I get my head out of my tail and get to work. Even if it just starts out as once a day, every day for ten minutes, the next week a half an hour and so on. I need this habit. I need this back into my heart. I need to be discipled one way or another. I definitely can't wait for our church to do it.

I quit smoking. I quit drugs. I quit stealing. Now its time to quit the addiction of laziness and ignorance. When I quit smoking, I was determined. It was probably the eleventh time I tried. But I had a goal. A goal to not see cigarettes in the hands of my kids because they saw me do it. A chance to give them a chance of a sturdier bridge than I had when I was a kid. My mom still smokes. I made up the thought in my head that if I said something enough I could start to believe it. Its hard to believe in something you can't see or shake hands with, or see an outline. But I tried this method. Everytime I craved a cigarette, I would say over and over inside my head: "If I can't, Jesus can." I would do this with my eyes closed until the craving stopped. Did this for hours. But the next day came cigarette free. Never went one day without before........Maybe its true. It's been a year next week since I quit, and that is finally something I didn't do by myself. Lets see how strong I can let Him be in my life.

crammed

Again, here we go, but this time all I am about to say is that I'm tired. My brain is over-worked, and I feel as though I have talked too much. What in the world is going on with these people I used to look up to in my 3 year relationship with Christ. Do I really have to be intoxicated to realize that the people I am around don't teach me anything about chritianity, but about the problems of the world????? What is the dealio??? I know here she goes again complaining and blahblahblah! What else is there to do when this is crammed into my brain. I don't understand what it is to be a christian and that my friend is sad. I HAVE NO FREAKIN CLUE! Yes be impossibly nice and loving and seem to not really be against but to agree to disagree. WHAT THE??????? Breathe already. Breathe the fresh air amongst you that is in your very own grasp. Why do I spell better, now than I ever do? I have done the "BOOHOO" and the "AWWWWW, POOR GIRL" and the " I HOPE SHE CALMS DOWN", but does that mean I have lost my passion? I'm a brand spanking new christian, but still 3 years old.......There is no reason for me to lack fellowship with others. To lack learning from others. There are no examples here. They all act primped and prissed and then here I am with the friggin truth about myself.....Slow,slacker,confused, unknowing....AND GUESS WHAT?!? I have questions too! My whole family is filled with non-believers and here I am amopngst conversations about how heartless they may be.......THIS IS NOT HOW IT SHOULD BE! WE SHOULD NOT BE FORCING OURSELVES ON PEOPLE! Anyways, here's my words; here's my breath. I hope it smells good.

Oh sucky this day is to be called

Every little thing builds one right after another. How come this crud is so sticky? My sis is about to leave for Arkansas, and I can't wait! This is what sucks....I'm suppose to be missing her and all, but I can't seem to find those feelings. This type of stuff drives me nuts. I can't even imagine what a christian is sometimes, because once I get on the freakin path, I get thrown in a cyclone of emotions that send me farther back than where I was. I get the scars and wounds that take forever to clear, and then I try to find God and then something else happens. My mind is becoming a very dangerous place, and I'm starting to hate myself. THIS NO GOOD! THIS NO WORK! How can I get out of this. Do I need some freakin miracle to get out of this head of mine??? I'm so tired of the cage I don't even remember putting myself in. I wake up feeling mad, and I don't even know what for. I try to pray, but then I feel like I'm wasting God's time. If I don't even know what my problem is, then how can I ask God to help me fix it. And then I have to try to figure out all of the screw-ups I did and ask foriveness for, but then really start wondering if it counted......................this is the point where I can scream my brains out.

I'm sinking, and fast too. I don't know what else to do. Let alone how to fix myself. And let God work on me. IS HE? IS HE NOW?????? My heart is set on God but the rest of me just doesn't know what to do in harmony with my heart. My body just doesn't work.

I just don't work.

ZOOM-ZOOM

I think I'm getting sick. This will totally suck due to that I get to watch the kidlings too. Hopefully its just allergies, but I guess I'll find out tomorrow.

I have been really stuck in my head lately, and its starting to drive me crazy. I'm an emotional roller coaster, and it keeps getting harder to shed off my bad moods. This is no good. I hope I can find some kind of clarity soon.

My girl went potty once again! Rock on! I'm going to try harder tomorrow to get her to get this done. Hopefully she'll really get into it.

I miss my Texan friends. It seemed easier to think when I was around the conversations.

I wonder if I can find a remote control for my brain. Pause........Rewind.........Fast forward........Menu..................Select Language....................Closed Captioning??............Thought Selection......

My mind just goes too fast, and too slow sometimes.

My mother-in-law is feeling better. She is still having some pain, but should be fine in a couple of days. I love that woman. I must say I defintely got blessed with my in-laws. They rock!