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That I guess will be the title, because my nephew decided so. My sis is here from Arkansas with her boy and will be leaving soon. Its been a nice visit so far. She's still the same old sis that left, but I try to overlook these things.

Scott has been at work all day and me and the kids have been lounging like no tomorrow. Very nice. Especially since today is one of my worst days with nausea, but I'm coming over it.

Mikah has been worrying me today. He didn't wake up until 11:30 and I tried waking him since about 9:30 this morning. And when he woke up, he was all pale and stuff. So I call my mom who luckily enough is a nurse. I tell her the situation and she just kind of laughs at me, and says, "Well, maybe he's just THAT tired. Keep an eye on him, but let him sleep in. I bet its just the growth spurts dragging him down. " Well, when he finally arose from the half life he used to be, he was all straggly and, of course, clumsy as if he just woke up. Imagine that. But the freak I am sometimes gets worried again and starts thinking something is definitely wrong. I make myself wait it out though like my ma said, and he's just fine. He's acting like normal and just having a lounging day. Still him, but just lounging.

I had the BEST conversation last night with my mother-in-law. We both just sat in the kitchen and talked about the church she went to, and we both were very open to each other about what we felt we needed as individuals. We had to have talked for at least two hours straight. This must happen again. I feel that it can only grow us together and help the both of us stay on track with our walks. I really can't stop talking with someone when its not a debate, but where there is open opinions out on the table and both parties are accepting that it is just an opinion.

It's a Beautiful Day in the neighborhood, Would you be Mine?
Who sang this little lyric?


I must say, I have a great family. My in-laws and my own mom and brother have been helping me out so much through this pregnancy, as well as our family through our tough spots. My brother has always been great for conversation and for listening. He lets me vent out what I need, then he talks me through it all. Sometimes we switch back and forth. He's definitely one friend I can't live without. Very convenient that he's my bro! My mom has been there for emotional and some financial support.

Tomorrow Scott has his first day on the jobby-jobbo and I have to take the kidlings to the doc for their updated vaccines. By the way, its probably only going to Mikah who gets a shot or two, and I am NOT looking forward to this at all. I'm so afraid he's going to hate me after, or something. I know I'm being paranoid, but....anyways off the subject.....my mommy said that she would help me take care of the kids, and with the doc appointment too.

My nausea has been doing some painful stretching on the top of my stomach and has been very painful lately, so I've been dubbed useless. But at least tomorrow I will have some help. I hope I will be able to function again. It drives me nuts sometimes. I can't say the relaxation isn't nice though. I hope I can get in the groove of some things soon. Oh well, time will tell. The doc said that I need to take it easy anyways in the first trimester, so we'll see how goes.

Thanks for all of the prayers and support. My last post was reality slapping me hard...fun stuff...if you like.........reality checks!hahaha!

Sitting in the Ashes of my Puny Faith

Well, sitting in the car last night I came to realize what kind of object I would use to describe my faith. Right about now I would use the term ashes. I have been in Christ for about three years now. The first year I had no one to lead me anywhere, so no where is where I stayed. The second year my passion grew so fast and hard, just to be slapped down by people saying I'm too new of a christian to do any projects....meaning no support. So I did a youth group ordeal for a bit, but it died down. I let it though, unfortunately. It started out as a discussion about everything. Then the parents were pressuring some king of plan, some kind of book that I needed to follow to keep it organized. I tried that. No one came again after that. I even offended one of the kids. This is the time when I threw my hands up in the air, laid down at the alter of the empty church and cried my freaking guts out. "What in the world do you want from me? Where are my examples? Where is my path and how the heck do you expect me to get there????? " I laid there in silence, just waiting...listening. I wanted to hear something...I wanted to feel something, even if it was just comfort and to know I wasn't alone. I came home empty. That's how I felt. Totally empty. I tried to learn from my husband's family, but I found what I found at the alter. Then I think there was just a time when I gave up. I don't remember ever making that choice, but slowly over time, I didn't feel needed in the body of Christ. What am I to do??? I go to the sunday service, sit in a pew, then wonder if these people that have been sitting behind me are still going to call me Sarah. Who am I in the body of Christ? Right now I just dead weight. I can't even find the words to pray anymore. I'm tired of the person I have become. I've grown up celebrating Christmas and Easter for time to spend with the family. Never once have I heard the story of Christ until age 18. Then it by someone who practically lived on the other side of the line. I'll never understand fully, but right now I would give anything just to understand a little.

Scott could go on and on for hours about all of his passions for Christ and for this way of church, and I guess lately I'm sick of hearing about it. I'm tired of talking about it. I just want to be able to DO it. See if it will be some kind of answer to my mass confusion. It all just seems too hard and complicated, but deep down I know Satan is trying to work on me. I'm tired. I'm sick. I'm burnt out. I need to rise from my ashes and soon, I just don't know how. Yeah, you can give me a scripture or two to read, but that's not where I'm going to find the meat.

HE LEFT ME!!!! well, for good reason, he''l be back soon!

Well, my hubby is gone on an adventure without me, but this was my decision. I didn't want to have to make him stop every ten-fifteen minutes, so I could or not throw up. Anyways, I'm over at my mom's and she has been helping me out the boogers. They have been good anyways, so she hasn't needed to help me much. Tomorrow we are to go to a hockey game in Indy. Fun, fun, fun. I may suck it up and take my anti-nausea meds throughout the day so I can tolerate the evening. I don't like to take it, just because everytime I take anything like that during this pregnancy, I get over paranoid the doc is looney and might poisen the baby. Then I talk to my mom who is a nurse and she calms me down to the deal that is it okay when it is NEEDED. I could have done this for the Cincinnati trip, but I didn't have enough and the mornigs are my worst of all times, and I felt I would drag Scott down. He REALLY needs some Mayhem is his life right now. I hope he gets there safe and grabs the words God needs him to hear. I wish I could be there and meet Riley and everyone, but I'm sure the future, with God great stuff, will give me a chance. Take care everyone!

Looking through the darkness to that big flashlight of God's

I accidently cut that last post pretty short. I also wanted to let everyone know that the biz ordeal is still on the rocks, but things are getting worked out and I've come along pretty good about accepting it. I'm just grateful we don't have a load of debt from it. I have enough debt from the hospital. Anyhoo, that's pretty good. Also, my brother's job, where I used to work, is treating him like crud and he's so tired of it. He was just going to stay here in Monticello, and do the job and the biz by himself, but now, he's pretty much upset with CDC, and is very determined to move out with us. That works for me. A lot easier that way too. That'll give us some time to get on our feet, us as well as Shane, (my bro). My morning sickness is still here, but today I had a good break from it. Very nice. Half of the day I wasn't as nauseated as I have been. Its trying to come back, but I am keeping water a crackers close by for reinforcements. I saw my doc today for a check-up and such. Couldn't catch the baby's heartbeat, which is really scary due to past, but my whole body still feels REALLY pregnant, and I haven't had any pain or anything, so I'm not too worried. If I have any worries, I'm suppose to call my doc and he said he would probably order the ultrasound, but if not I'll get one in four weeks. I keep praying for that little squirt, and I have a very good feeling in my heart when I do about this pregnancy. Thanks to everyone for all of your support and prayers.

Hello world. I would have posted a day or so ago when Scott first got the job, but I figured he deserved to let the world know first. Morning sickness has been taking over. I have found the only way to get rid of it, is to take the script the doc gave me, which sux, but I have to in order to not stay in the bathroom 24/7. I can't wait for it to be done.

Just Got Hit

Well, I'm at my brother's right now, and have a disturbing choice to make with my husband. Well, he was going to move out with us, and this time was to be used to get each of us on our feet. Well, I also have the business with my brother, which at the moment is going downhill pretty fast. The computer building has been thrashed at us. We had a client that was to buy 16 super computers, but later changed his mind and only wanted four mediocre computers, which makes our profit pretty close to nothing. Plus he expected us to drive about 800 miles to network the computers and his cash registers, where we don't have the experience yet. So the computer thing won't be possible right now. Another thing is our bills are going up while our profits are going down. My brother has been paying for everything the past couple of months due to our lack of cash. Well, now my brother is trying to figure out what he wants more: the business, or moving out. He's leaning towards the business more and more, which means Scott and I may have to move into a one bedroom apartment if we are even able to move out. I'm so tired of all of these things that we keep bouncing off of. We only have a months or two before we have the funds to move, but all of these worries, yet factors keep coming into play and its driving me mad. With five people, I don't think a one bedroom will work. Nor will us living with our parents, We already take up a lot of space. I just want to scream my bloody head off. I just don't know what to do most of the time anymore, and when I pray about it, I sometimes feel even more like a fool. Where is our path going? Are we on it? I remember long ago, asking God about the business. I asked him if this wasn't for us, then make it go down, and not let it work. So I guess here is my answer, but now what? Arkansas keeps popping into my head, but my father is intolerable, and I don't want to put the kids through what I went through when I was a kid. The drunkenness and the screaming. Not cool at all. We need your prayers, if not for answers then a little peace would help greatly. Guidance is greatly needed. I know one thing. If we had the funds we would just move to Texas, but its just too far. And we are just too broke. Time is coming close for the answers. I guess we will find out soon enough.

Dreamland

The past 2-3 days I have done nothing but sleep. Sleep all day then all night, and I can't stop. I'm going to have to though. Scott is about to leave for Indianapolis to search for a jobby-jobo, and I'll be alone with the kidlings. Doesn't sound like much fun. The night before last I had to go into ER. My heart was pounding so hard and fast, and I felt really dizzy. My mom, who is a nurse, was afraid that my blood pressure was up. It gave me a horrible migraine. There was a faint, high pitched noise in the hospital hallway that was driving my brain through nails. The doc looked at me like I was crazy when I told him, but after Scott pointed out what it was, he came to understand. So, anyways, the doc checked me out, and came to the conclusion that the flu was probably doing that to me. This is the second time I've been sick. Yuck. I am starting to feel a little better, though.

Mikah was lying down in my bed this afternoon with me, and we were just talking. He then said, "Mommy, can you have the baby now. I want to play with him." I told him that God needed the time to make this baby healthy, and we need to wait patiently, so that we will have a healthy baby. He then said, "But that will take for long time! I want the baby now." I told him that if we wait, then we will have the baby in no time. He's such a cutie!

Sick AGAIN

I don't understand it.. I'm sick again, and practically stuck in bed. New years was fun ....played some games with my fam. Played some clue even, haven't played that in a while. Pretty cool. The next morning I woke up with a sore throat and that slimy stuff that never goes away in your head. Not good. Scott's been taking care of me, again. I feel like the biggest baby. Today I have a head ache and my body hurts.

Have to share the moment of now: Right now Mikah and Scott are dueling at Mario Kart Double Dash, the new one for game cube. I'm having to sit on his lap, ( Scott's, not Mikah's, I didn't want to crush the poor guy!) And we both are struggling to get comfy. We'll see how long this works.
Very interesting stuff, huh?

Anyways, I hope I will feel better soon, so I can start the everyday routine that is enough of a struggle anyways. I feel so tired. Yesterday I slept all day, and all night last night. Today I wanted to do the same, but didn't want to make a habit out of it.

(PS: Mikah is beating the pants off Scott! THAT"S MY BOY!)

Shout out to Brad and the Rudd's ! HIYA!

Well, I hope you all have had a great holiday(s), and I wish you all the love in the world. Take care!