Lost focus


Today I am really off my rocker. I'm letting myself get wrapped up into things that really shouldn't take to much of my worry if at all. I have actually received a call from the church we use to attend. At first it seemed to be affectionate towards why Scott and I haven't really been attending, but then I soon realized it was only concerning my in-laws. I must say it disturbs me. But I guess, what else can be expected from an apathetic church. It just seems as though everywhere I go here, I don't fit in at all, even with fellow believers, or whatever they may be. I don't even feels as though I fit in my own family sometimes, but that's another story to tell. I'm tired of feeling like a misfit. And with that I get so wrapped up in the stupid things.

Growl. Hiss Kick scream. And then comes the flood of tears.

Its hard finding your way back home when you haven't even experienced it yet.

create your own personalized map of the USA
or write about it on the open travel guide

Hey, hey hey-----> He can Read!

I have been working with Mikah with his letters sounds and combinations, and today he was able to read about twenty words! Very freakin' awesome, and he's thrilled to learn more! Very cool stuff.

Baby Stuff

Also we got an ultrasound done yesterday, which was a REALLY BIG RELIEF for me, and it appears to be a boy. This may not be accurate, but the picture I saw looked pretty clear.....(especially due to the fact that umbilical cords don't just end like the boyish member would). I'm excited. Mikah saw the whole thing and was just thrilled to find out he might be having a brother. He use to want to name the baby Sonic the hedgehog, but last night he told me either Sonic's friend Knuckles, or Shane (my bro). Very neat stuff. I hope to show pics soon!

Mashed Potatoes and Gravy Diet

Is mashed potatoes and gravy good for you?????? I hope so, because that so far has been my MAIN pregnant craving. I crave it day and night. This is my addiction. Does anyone know of a support group I can join!!!??? Ask Scott, its been interesting! Especially now that the nausea is easing up, YAY YAY YAY YAY YAY! Still get queasy and once in awhile sick, but no where near how often it used to be. Rock on. Yeah, yeah, yeah!

I just want to shout out to Kristen, Joshua, and Miss Snow-girl Judah! I miss you guys!

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM!?!

I had a lot of fun with the kids this afternoon. Well, actually that started after-after. This morning the kids were non-stop whining, and screaming at each other, and nothing was ever good enough, and my brain felt the extreme overload. So instinctively, without knowing what I was going to do next, I started to scream with them and started to clap my hands, maybe to get their attention or something...still haven't a clue. Just then my two year old little girl, starts laughing and clapping too! Next my four year old starts laughing, and before I knew it we were all just sitting on the living room floor laughing and making funny faces at each other. Next, I had an idea. I knew their energies were way up, so I put in a cd of mine, and then had all of us dancing! Absolutely amazing how fast emotions and feeling find there way to you! God truely, has the GREATEST imagination there ever was........almost like children!

Patience

I'm really hoping to go house hunting soon. Its soo difficult trying to plan stuff without having any idea of what kind of place we'll get into. Mikah want to move NOW, but I explained to him we have to wait. I've been thinking about babysitting a couple of kids while I'm at home, so I can help bring some money in. Scott may still have to work two part time jobs or something, but at least it may help. Scott's worried about me being able to keep up, but what I would have to do with four kids, I would with the two I have now, so I don't know. We'll see. What I'll probably do is pray my guts over it, and if I still don't know try it. Put an ad in the newspaper and see if there are any answers to it. I'll have to see. This waiting game gets harder as you see the time getting closer. It is like waiting for an awesome vacation to come or a baby. But patience is the key. That's one of my many flaws I have been working on, is patience. I use to have a short temper with the kids, but ever since I've been home, and pregnant again, I have been putting forth alot of effort towards the kids. Now I need to try and put it towards every aspect of my life, but right now it has to be baby steps, so to speak. Today, I haven't been doing too well, but I think I have a hold on it now.

Tense

I've been stuck with writer's block, or blogger's block, whatever you will. Its been up and down here in freakish small town Monticello, and it has nothing to do with the location either. Tension at home builds slowly, as well as anxiety and excitement, just about the move alone. We've lived in Indianpolis before, but this time is different. We've been down this road of giving up too easily, as well as being too frustrated over paying the bills and all that comes with. Scott and I have a feeble mariage that needs to build stronger than this, even just to last. I know there will always be the hard times, but in the beginning it still just strikes at you like the first time you feel pain. It hurts like crazy! I really hope we can find some people to relate with down there. We need that kind of support. I love Scott to death, its just here lately he's been really tense and stressed. Time I hope will bare some relief.

don't know what to say........to those out there ...hi!

A Wonderful Day

Today I took the kids to the library for reading time, a craft, and also to play with all of the kids that go there. I've had some good conversation with one of the moms, it was nice. I think this is the kind of thing I need to do. I may not feel better physically, but mentally I do. My nausea is lightening a little bit too. THANK YOU GOD! May not be perfect but any improvement is very much appreciated. The kids were very shy during story time. The lady sang some songs with the kids and had them all do a little bit of dancing and motions. Kiara and Mikah just looked at everyone in the face of, "What in the world are they doing?" During the story, Kiara was more interested in what the other kids were doing rather than listening to the story. This doesn't discourage me at all, though! This just makes me realize how much they need to be around other kids their age so that they can start to relate and learn from each other. Tomorrow or Wednesday is Mikah's story time. I'm really looking forward to it.

I grabbed a thicker book, about 100 pages long to read to the kids a little bit everyday. I'm hoping we can start doing this on a regular basis. I would love to get some of the books I read when I was a kid. Like Wizard of Oz, and some Bearstein Bears and things like that. I'll get there soon enough. I've been doing flash cards with Kiara here lately to help her learn her ABC's and other words that start with them. I used to have a problem with keeping her still the whole time, but I soon realized you have to make it fun for her! Duh Mom! I make myself sound thrilled and excited with each card and then she gets excited too! This is so much fun now. Even if we're not meant to homeschool them all of the way through school, I wouldn't miss this for the world! Mikah is learning his letter sounds and how to put words together, slowly but surely. That's all that matters. I'm working with him a little everyday now, and I can already tell info is stciking little by little. He has a game that deals with the same stuff too! I love being a mommy and wifey. This is the best job in the world!

To Cloth or Not to Cloth, That is the Question

I have been trying to plan some things for when the baby comes, and I've traveled across a couple of concerns. We were talking about trying cloth diapers for this baby, but as I'm doing my research I'm finding myself discouraged about it. I know I should be thinking about the well being of our environment and should be all for it, but even with all of the positive and negative research I have done, I don't think cloth diapers will be such a good idea. I'm going to be terribly busy with the two kids we have, as well as the never ending attention with the baby, ( these parts are just awesome and I couldn't live without!), plus I'm going to either be doing schooling for medical transcription or doing it by then at home, while trying to keep up the house, what little I may be able to do by myself. I know I won't be doing this by myself, but most of the time Scott will be at work, while I'm at home with the kidlings. Anyways, I've tried asking some family members who have tried cloth diapers, and I've heard nothing but complaints, and how much more a burden they are, than any good side of it. Yes they save money and are good for the environment, but right now the cons outweigh the pros.

What I'm asking from everyone out there is not only the positive sides of cloth diapers, but how to deal. Cause right now I'm really leaning against cloth diapers. If anyone could give me some tips and such it would be helpful towards my decision. I know Scott wants me to try them, but I need some help. I appreciate it!

To Homeschool!

Well, I believe I have made my decision on whether to homeschool Mikah dude, or to send him to Kindergarten. I've decided homeschooling, especially if we move to a bigger town where there are many events we can go to to play with other kids. I'm very excited about it too. I've borrowed a book from the library to help him with his phonics, and so far he's been doing very well. He's been so frustrated lately, because he can't read and needs help all of the time when he needs to read something. I also got another book, for me, that just gives you ideas of what you may come by while homeschooling. It gives great tips on spinning their brains and getting the younger ones ( like Mikah's age) into learning, while it may seem as playing. Very cool. I think I'm getting close to hitting a spark when it comes to what's coming along in the next year.....well at least when it comes to Mikah and his schooling. The library here in town have a time where they read a story and then do a craft about the story. My daughter can come along too. She has a story time of her own as well. I plan on going to these weekly, when possible, so that they can interact with other children.

The kids and I spent all day practically just playing and coloring, and painting, and making puppets, as well as having story time of our own. Mikah also has a game that he loves, that teaches him how to read and learn letter sounds. He tells me he has to play it at least everyday! I had something similar in mind. I told him that was fine as long as he works with me on the vowel sounds. He's just so happy about it all too. So am I.

It's February already!

Where does this time go? I know it goes fast, but good golly miss molly! Where the heck did it go? That's okay, I will survive. I guess I haven't blogged in awhile, but I don't have much to say anymore. I've got my quirks, and what's going on with the pregnancy, but it's all been said, and I don't like sounding like a broken record. I have been trying to take a break from the inter=net, and all of its happenings. Not that I don't care what's going on in everyone's lives, but I just needed a break. I miss a good old fashioned letter. I don't have anyone's address or I'd probably be doing that also.

I called my Aunt Sue that lives in South Dakota. I haven't seen her in over ten years. That's not good. She's always been one of my dad's family members that has always kept in touch at least once a year. I've got an e-mail address from her too. Which works when I want to send pictures of the kids. I'm hoping to see if everyone is willing to do a reunion somewhere in the next year or two. It would be nice to see my dad's part of the family again.