Oh sucky this day is to be called

Every little thing builds one right after another. How come this crud is so sticky? My sis is about to leave for Arkansas, and I can't wait! This is what sucks....I'm suppose to be missing her and all, but I can't seem to find those feelings. This type of stuff drives me nuts. I can't even imagine what a christian is sometimes, because once I get on the freakin path, I get thrown in a cyclone of emotions that send me farther back than where I was. I get the scars and wounds that take forever to clear, and then I try to find God and then something else happens. My mind is becoming a very dangerous place, and I'm starting to hate myself. THIS NO GOOD! THIS NO WORK! How can I get out of this. Do I need some freakin miracle to get out of this head of mine??? I'm so tired of the cage I don't even remember putting myself in. I wake up feeling mad, and I don't even know what for. I try to pray, but then I feel like I'm wasting God's time. If I don't even know what my problem is, then how can I ask God to help me fix it. And then I have to try to figure out all of the screw-ups I did and ask foriveness for, but then really start wondering if it counted......................this is the point where I can scream my brains out.

I'm sinking, and fast too. I don't know what else to do. Let alone how to fix myself. And let God work on me. IS HE? IS HE NOW?????? My heart is set on God but the rest of me just doesn't know what to do in harmony with my heart. My body just doesn't work.

I just don't work.